One morning this week, I woke up and realized my precious baby doxie, Shawn, was no longer in the bed with me. I quickly located him on the floor asleep
next to the water bowl I had failed to fill the night before. I pause for your and my emotional reaction. Our pets are helpless and require us to satisfy their needs. What in the world had I been doing the night before that was more important than this bowl of water!?
I grabbed that bowl and went immediately to fill it as if he were a dying goldfish. I placed the bowl next to him and gently woke him up from his “no water nightmare.” He looked at me bleary eyed and put his head down as I moved the bowl closer. He must be absolutely parched…delirious from having no water and I had to be sure he saw the bowl. It was my duty to make him understand that I hadn’t hurt him on purpose and that I was apologizing deeply with this offering of water.
With the bowl closer, he shifted his position so his tail was closer to the bowl. I imagined that I had finally been negligent enough to have lost his respect and love…our relationship was over. No! No! I yelled inside my head. We had 12 great years together and with just a little more effort, he would see that I was sorry and deserved his forgiveness. So, I moved the bowl back into his line of sight and this time he huffed at me and rotated his position again.
With trembling hands, I dipped my fingers into the bowl and tried to apply some drops to his lips and then…he got up and … walked … away… Can you even imagine?! So, now I am pissed! For 12 years I have doted on this dog. I have gone through every dog treat known to anyone and spent endless money just to find the one he seemed to love the best—Eureka! I found the absolutely best one! Two weeks later when he changed his mind (usually after I had purchased a case of his “favorite”), I was on the hunt again. How dare he not appreciate this and the multitude of other things I have done for him! If he wants to break-up, then fine! I double break-up!
I hope you have enjoyed this episode called Jumping to Conclusions which is based mostly on facts but stretched to encourage a chuckle. Jumping to conclusions: taking an observation, a thought or a feeling and filling in all the details our minds can imagine. So Shawn was lying next to his empty bowl—doesn’t mean he was thirsty when laid down or for another matter was thirsty when I woke him up. He certainly showed no signs of wanting the water which would have been a clue he was not thirsty and probably not furious at me for neglecting him. And we’ll leave that last paragraph just as it is…right there…
Now, if you would, run this scenario through your head again substituting Shawn with someone you love in your life and substituting me with you. Go ahead…I’ll wait. We can hardly blame Shawn for not politely telling me, when I woke him up, that he was not in fact thirsty—he’s a dog for goodness sake! In the scenario you just ran through in your head, if you and your important person were in fact both people, either one of you could have used your words and spoken your need. Because sometimes if you don’t make your needs known, all the empty space is filled with nonsense and you end up breaking up with your dog!
Here’s the thing that I will expound on for as long as I have breath: You are responsible for telling the people in your life what you need if for no other reason than asking for what you need exponentially increases your chances of getting it! (the word exponentially is sponsored by my brother, Steve, who is a mathematician and yes, he is my full-blood brother).
For your consideration,
Ellen Larabee, MA, LPCC
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